


His Alone

by deluxekyluxtrashcan (rhoen)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Feelings, M/M, This Might Be Fluffy?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-05-17 13:24:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5871271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhoen/pseuds/deluxekyluxtrashcan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux is taken aback the first time he sees Ren's face. He hadn't expected to see someone so... human (or attractive).</p>
            </blockquote>





	His Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Kylo has a crush on the General, or something. I seriously don't think. This happened because I wanted to fit something cute into writing. The cute thing just didn't fit with what ended up happening. Oh well. There's nothing to distinguish this from the hundreds of other fics about the same thing, but hopefully there are some nice feels somewhere.
> 
> Un-beta'd.
> 
> > **Do not translate or repost this fic without my permission.**. Ask if you'd like to translate it. Linking to it with a short snipped it okay though!

Hux was taken aback the first time he saw Ren’s face. He’d expected to see a hideous deformity, or perhaps to find a creature barely human, but nothing could prepare him for the strikingly handsome face of such an alarmingly young man who looked at Hux with what he could only describe as vulnerability. Ren was perhaps unconventionally attractive, but Hux couldn’t help taking in the strong lines and angles of his face, the pale skin littered with dark freckles, the inviting dark hair falling in soft curls around his face, and the burning intensity of Ren’s gaze, finding the sum of his features more than pleasant. It had been hard not to stare. There, right in front of him, was the man whose presence had irked Hux for months, and who suddenly seemed to be hoping for some sort of acceptance from the general. There was a man who suddenly seemed so young, and so hopelessly lost, as he bared himself to another, seeking approval.

Hux looked away. He regretted the request. It would be easier not to know what lay beneath the twist of metal that was designed to intimidate. His gaze might be intense, but there was nothing intimidating about Kylo Ren’s youth and handsome features.

“You find my appearance displeasing.”

Without the modulator, Ren’s voice sounded so much warmer; so human. He even sounded hurt. Had he wanted Hux to remark upon his appearance? To approve of him?

Schooling his voice to be as even as possible and looking back unflinchingly to vulnerable dark brown eyes, Hux gave a dismissive answer. “What you look like is of no consequence to me.”

Hux saw the cruelty keenly felt, but to his credit Ren only gave the barest of flinches, maintaining eye-contact as he replaced the mask, the heavy thing clicking into place and shutting Ren off from the world.

“You needn’t have asked then,” Ren said, his words clipped as he seemingly tried to sound dismissive and bored, as if it didn’t matter to him. Hux could tell that it mattered, though, and cursed himself for making the childish request. What his co-commander looked like had no bearing on his abilities. He hadn’t needed to know. It didn’t matter. In the slightest.

But now Hux knew, and he wished he didn’t. It changed something, and as he watched the other man turn and sweep from the officers’ mess viewing deck, a strange sense of longing settling over him. Eventually following Ren, Hux did his best to push all thoughts of the Knight from his mind as he made his way to the bridge, determined not to be distracted from his work, which was of far more importance than the terrible realisation that Kylo Ren was unfairly handsome.

-

Ren avoided Hux after that, and had become even more prone to violent outbursts. Reports of destruction reached an increasingly weary Hux, who wished that there was some way he could get the temperamental man in line, or at least to take his fits of rage out on something less costly than an entire weapons console. It was beyond childish, and Hux didn’t want to believe the other man capable of such immaturity, but it felt like Ren was acting out after their last encounter. Hux couldn’t work out why his opinion mattered so much Ren. Well, some part of him could guess, but the notion barely formed before he dismissed it scornfully: Kylo Ren certainly didn’t care what Hux thought of him.

When yet another report, this time of disruption to troop training and the destruction of one of the gymnasiums, reached him, Hux’s irritation flared. He thought about pale skin, deep brown eyes and soft-looking lips, and wanted to punch Ren. Or kiss him. Hux wasn’t entirely sure which, and was frustrated at himself for the constantly straying thoughts and the distracting desire to seek the other man out. It felt unfair. He shouldn’t have to know what Ren looked like, and nor should he have to deal with the fact that Ren had hoped for something from him in return: approval, or at least some honesty on Hux’s part. Instead, all Ren had gotten was Hux’s signature cold dismissal, because that was all Hux was capable of giving in any situation which left him at a disadvantage or made him uncomfortable. He didn’t admit to what he wanted or desired. Those things were inconsequential.

Determined to challenge Ren about the continued destruction of property, Hux went to find him, but seeking Ren out was far harder than it should have been. He no doubt knew what was coming, and by the time Hux cornered him in his quarters over a standard hour later, he’d grown tired of stalking across the ship chasing reports of Ren’s location. He was incensed, and rounded on the Knight, determined to give him the verbal flaying of his life.

What came out his mouth, however, was not what Hux intended to say.

“Take that thing off,” he hissed. Ren simply tilted his head, as if he found the request curious. Hux couldn’t read him properly. He hated it.

“I think not, General,” Ren finally decided dismissively. The sound of his modulated voice grated on Hux’s nerves, demanding every ounce of self-control in order to restrain himself. Ren came across as a petulant child clinging to a last line of defense between himself and an irate parent, and Hux wanted to tear that security from him; to prevent Ren from hiding.

“Remove it.”

“No.”

Hux held himself perfectly still for a moment, aware of how close he was coming to bickering. It was unbecoming. He would not indulge in it.

Deciding to face Ren when he wasn’t acting so immaturely, Hux gave a disdainful huff, casting a derisive glance over the dark figure before him.

“Fine, have it your way.”

He turned, striding for the door. Barely two paces later, Ren called out after him.

“Wait!”

Even through the modulator Hux could hear the desperation. He paused, slowly turning back towards the Knight, a little surprised that the threat of his departure had been enough to cause a change in heart. He watched, still astonished, as Ren stepped towards him, slowly raising his hands and unfastening the mask, lifting it away to reveal a face somehow more lovely than Hux remembered. Ren’s eyes were downcast this time, though, his posture clearly submissive.

“Is this what you wanted?”

 _Yes_ , Hux thought, while at the same time realising that no, this wasn’t what he wanted at all. Ren looked far too vulnerable - afraid and ashamed to expose his weakness - and it didn’t suit him. It caught Hux off guard, and he didn’t know what to do with the moment. He was dimly aware that he should fill the heavy silence with something. Ren had asked him a question, after all, but Hux wasn’t sure what it was any more. All he was aware of was the ache blossoming in his chest as he regarded the withdrawn man.

 _He wants my approval_ , Hux acknowledged, another realisation immediately hitting him hard and sinking coldly through him. _He thinks he’s unattractive; undesirable_.

Hux could barely remember how to breathe as he moved, his shoulder seeming stiff as he tentatively raised his arm. Slowly, he closed the distance, his fingers brushing against Ren’s cheek - Ren’s astonishingly soft, warm cheek - and hand coming to rest cupping the Knight’s face, Hux’s fingers grazing his hairline. For a startled moment, Hux couldn’t quite believe what he’d done, and then Ren leant into the touch, his eyes fluttering closed as he accepted the contact, and Hux let out a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding, relief and something far more dangerous rushing his system.

“Stop wrecking my ship,” he said quietly, his voice soft and unfamiliar to his own ears. Kylo let out a small, choked laugh, lips quirking upwards for the briefest of moments, and he opened his eyes again, looking directly at Hux. The intensity of Ren’s gaze made Hux want to recoil, painfully aware of what was passing between them: it was unfamiliar and terrifying, and he didn’t know what to do with it.

Only, when he eventually looked away, his eyes fell to Ren’s lips. His attention focused there for a moment, taking in the soft, plush skin that looked so inviting, and he became aware of the fact he was biting his own lip, his heart hammering traitorously in his chest. He knew he should have expected it, but glancing back up he was amazed to find that the desire was mutual, the want in Ren’s gaze unmistakeable, and he couldn’t look away, even when Ren’s focus dipped in turn.

Everything seemed to pause for a moment, the world leaving them as they regarded each other, both aware of what was about to happen and yet unsure of how to proceed. Hux stole another glance at Ren’s lips, feeling the ache in his chest doubling in strength, and then, in a rush, found himself moving forwards, his lips meeting Ren’s bruisingly, hungry for a man he barely knew or understood yet wanted so desperately.

It was madness, Hux though as his fingers pushed into and tugged at Ren’s hair, needy hands grasping at his own uniform and cupping the back of his neck in kind. There was no way it could amount to more than a cathartic release of frustration. No way. Yet something in the back of Hux’s mind cut in and told him to shut up and worry about it later. Hux took his own advice.

-

Ren was a needy lover. He was rough and unrefined and intense, and needy. Hux didn’t mind. The other man was sometimes hard to reach, especially when sealed away in layers of dark cloth and metal, but Hux now knew what lay beneath the intimidating exterior, and that Ren - Kylo to him now - would always come to him. Affection was frightening to feel at first, unfamiliar and at times overwhelming, but Hux always had enough of it to give and it was gratefully received, so that when Ren came to him, uncertain and unsure of himself, Hux could kiss and smooth away the self-doubt and fear, reassuring the other man that his affection was genuine.

Hux had rarely felt anything more real. Emotions shifted, sure, but they always felt so vibrant and alive, as if he could reach out and touch them. He could, really, because Ren became whatever emotion he was feeling at the time, be it anger, doubt, frustration, admiration, desire, or adoration. Even if their most heated of conflicts - not that they were that frequent - there was always fondness there, an anchoring attachment that they both felt. As structures went, it was as solid as the star destroyer beneath their feet. And in moments of calm when they drifted between emotions, that certainty was still there. Hux liked those moments. In them, they simply were, sharing the comfortable, almost negligible, space between them in a way Hux knew no one else could imagine or understand. It was something unique; something in the universe that was his, and his alone. Unlike his quest for leadership and galactic order, it couldn’t be threatened or disrupted or take away. It was his alone.

Ren was his.

And sometimes - just sometimes - Hux could admit that that was all he ever wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> Come throw Kylux garbage at [the trash can](http://deluxekyluxtrashcan.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.


End file.
